Draw Little Boy Tangled Lights
Tangledis one of my sister's favorite Disney movies. I can't blame her for liking it so much.Tangledhad just the right amount of levity and seriousness all wrapped up in one movie, and I don't think it gets enough credit for the songs it came up with. I would even say (boy, I might get some flak for this) that the soundtrack forTangledwas better than the soundtrack forFrozen. Tangledhad humor and heart by the bucket-load, and it kind of feels like it fell off the wayside when it comes to remembering good Disney movies.
That said,Tangledhas a bunch of flaws when it comes to the plot making any sense. I think the movie abandoned common sense in exchange for tickling our funny bones or going for that emotional moment. My sister might have been suckered in by Flynn Rider's smolder, but I was not so easily snared. The story thatTangledis founded on, the fairy tale of Rapunzel, is flawed all on its own, so anything based on it has the potential to bring those flaws out to the forefront.Tangledis set up for being nonsensical just by examining the idea of hair physics.
Thoroughly critiquing great Disney classics is one of my favorite things to do because despite the harsh words I might lay at the feet of these movies, I really do adore them. So read on if, despite liking the movieTangled,you want to check out all the ways that it went wrong.
25 You're Fired!
We get our first good look at what the guards are like at the castle when Flynn Rider steals the crown right out from under them. There were a good amount of guards protecting the crown from theft, but not a single one of them was looking towards the crown when it got stolen. That's how Rider was able to obtain it. He was lowered down from the ceiling while all the guards were looking at the front door. Honestly, I'm not surprised that Rider was able to get away with the goods.
Just look at how well Rapunzel was guarded, i.e. not at all.
Mother Gothel, by no means a spry woman, was able to scale the wall to Rapunzel's room and climb in through the window. As a matter of fact, even though the crown was poorly guarded, it had more guards than Rapunzel did. How is that allowed in a royal household? Maybe her parents did not expect anyone to steal away with their daughter. That's generous of them. But as clearly demonstrated by Mother Gothel's villainy, not everyone in the kingdom is a good person. And as first-time parents, I would have assumed that Rapunzel's mother and father would have been extraordinarily protective of their first-born child. Either way, the royal guards suck eggs. The only guard worth a gosh-darned is Maximus, and he's a horse.
24 The Royal Arms
Oh boy. Look, I get that the cooking utensil that is the frying pan was used extensively during the movie. Rapunzel used it to take out Flynn Rider with a knock to the head when he entered her tower unannounced. Flynn himself (also known as Eugene, just in case you were getting confused) uses the frying pan to confront Maximus the horse in a sword-fight when Maximus wishes to take him to prison. But just because the frying pan was so useful, doesn't mean that it should be made into the official weapon of the royal guards.
At the end of Tangled, we find out that Maximus has made frying pans the main weapon of the royal guards. First of all, the fact that Maximus, a horse for crying out loud, made this executive decision for the guards is pretty unbelievable all on its own. Second of all, the fact that the guards were just okay with having their swords taken away and replaced with frying pans is laughable. I mean, just look at the ending to the movie! All those guards are standing at attention with their arms upraised, holding those pans aloft as if they were the noblest of swords. They look ridiculous! Did no one think this was a bad idea? I wonder if Maximus depleted the royal kitchen's supply of frying pans in order to arm the royal guards.
23 Need More Biology Lessons
Mother Gothel sought immortality, so for the longest time, she kept the secret of the magical healing flower to herself. That plan went astray when the queen got sick. The king had men scouring the countryside for this flower, and when they found it, the king immediately had the flower turned into soup and fed to his wife. After that, when the queen gave birth to Rapunzel, the power to heal was locked inside this baby girl's hair. Unfortunately for Gothel, the king, the queen, and Rapunzel, Rapunzel's hair can only heal a person if it is still attached to her head. As soon as it is cut, the lost strands lose their golden glow and can't magically fix anything.
This is why Gothel has to steal Rapunzel away.
That makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense is that the entire length of hair that was cut, including the strands that are still attached to Rapunzel's head, lose their healing ability. That's not the way a plant should work at all. If you pluck a leaf from a tree, eventually, that leaf with wither and dry up. However, the stem that you pulled the leaf from doesn't wither away as well! And since Rapunzel got her healing powers from that flower, I assumed that the magic that flowed within her would function in much the same way. There's no reason for any of Rapunzel's hair that's still attached to her scalp to turn brown and lose its magic. It makes no sense.
22 Some Lawn Time
A huge problem that plagued Mother Gothel in her plan to keep Rapunzel locked up forever is that she restricted her too much. Rapunzel clearly got restless with her cooped-up lifestyle, and I don't think anybody can blame her. Painting and indoor games are fun and all, but they can't compare with a little outside time. It's no wonder that Rapunzel yearned to visit the outside world. Even if we forget about the lanterns in the sky that Rapunzel so longed to see, I'm pretty sure that eventually, Rapunzel would have wanted to step outside so much she would have escaped for that reason alone.
This is where Mother Gothel's plan all went wrong.
Imagine if Gothel had allowed Rapunzel just a bit more freedom, letting her go outside, taking her with her on faraway trips and things like that. Rapunzel would have been way more satisfied with the status quo. She may not have rebelled as much to go see those lights. Gothel, apparently, had not let Rapunzel even feel grass beneath her feet. How restrictive is that? The valley that Rapunzel's tower was in was pretty secluded, with high cliff walls around it and a hidden entrance. Was that not enough to allow Rapunzel a little outside time? Just thinking about what Rapunzel's life in that tower must have been like gives me the weepies. Poor, poor girl.
21 Lord Commander
Having a boss is not always a fun experience. In the workplace, it is often a necessary experience that a lot of us have to go through, but it's not always a pleasant one. Some bosses are really cool, really chill. (My boss is quite freaking awesome in my opinion.) Other bosses are a bit too strict. Let's take Maximus for instance. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking that his rider was the guy in charge. Oh no, it was Maximus in the lead. At the end of the movie, we find out that Maximus has received his own regiment of soldiers to command. I think that Maximus is a fantastic character with a great work ethic, but it makes no sense that a horse would be placed in charge of a squad of guards.
How did these guys not revolt when they heard that their boss was going to be a horse? Disney might try to convince us all that animals are way more intelligent than they actually are, but were they seriously trying to tell us in Tangled that a horse could become the leader of a human group of guards? It's like they were trying for a super-duper happy ending, and the only way to get Maximus his happy ending was to make him a captain or something like that. And we all know that Maximus would be an insanely strict boss to work for. So not only would the guards under him be working for a horse, he would be a hard-nosed horse-boss too.
20 Dramatic Timing
When Eugene was calling himself Flynn Rider, he came across as a bit of a jerk-face. You know what I'm talking about, right? Sure he was charming and humorous, but he was also the kind of guy who could easily betray his partners in crime by ditching them at an inopportune moment or the kind of guy who would take advantage of an innocent girl when all she wanted to do was see the world. It was perhaps only when he made the sacrifice play near the end of the movie that he showed us his true colors (the true colors of a good guy).
Rapunzel had made a promise to Mother Gothel that she would quietly submit to following Gothel around as a willing prisoner if she was allowed to heal Eugene after he was wounded. Before Rapunzel could heal him however, Eugene cut Rapunzel's hair, removing her ability to heal anybody and removing her from her obligation to Mother Gothel. This was noble and all, but why didn't Eugene do that after Rapunzel had healed him? It would have accomplished the same thing, except his life would not have been in peril. Rapunzel could have gone to him, sung her song of healing, and then he could have sliced her hair off with a shard of glass. But no, Eugene had to go for the dramatic move. The dramatic moves rarely make any sense, but they sure do have an emotional impact.
19 Sing A Song Of No Sense
I adore nearly every Disney song ever created. I sing them loud and proud, in my car by myself or under my breath as I'm doing grocery shopping. I know for a fact I'm not the only one who does this. (I'm talking about you, random stranger at Vons, who I caught humming "Poor Unfortunate Souls" in the Frozen Foods section one time.) So usually, the more songs in a Disney movie, the happier I am. I'm ready to "Let It Go" with "A Spoonful of Sugar" at any point in "The Circle of Life." Tangled just pushed a button with me. The songs in Tangled are phenomenal. In fact, I think they're underappreciated as far as Disney songs go. What gets me so annoyed is the song of healing that Rapunzel has to sing in order to make her healing powers grow.
Mother Gothel teaches her how to sing it, and every time she does, her hair begins to glow and grow, restoring youth to Gothel's aged features. Why is this a thing? This healing ability was once stored within a flower, right? Since when do flowers have any auditory organs whatsoever? (I'll tell you when: never! Actually, I'm not one hundred percent certain about this. Don't quote me.) There is no reason for Rapunzel or Mother Gothel or anyone to have to sing in order to heal a person. Why should a few musical notes illicit this magical glowing hair to ignite?
18 Mother Gothel's Biggest Mistake
Are you guys ready to read about the biggest flaw in Tangled? Well, it can all be laid at the doorstep of Mother Gothel. She ruins her own plan by making the most asinine decision I've ever seen a villain make. So Gothel's main plan is to keep Rapunzel locked up away in her tower for forever so that Gothel can constantly use Rapunzel's magical hair to stay young. Rapunzel showing any desire to leave her tower whatsoever puts a kink in Gothel's plans. One of the main reasons that Rapunzel wants to leave her tower is because there is a fantastical display of lights that rises from the castle every night on the night of Rapunzel's birthday.
Understandably, Rapunzel is curious as to why this happens.
And who do you think is to blame for Rapunzel's curiosity? Why, no one other than Mother Gothel herself? Who do you think told Rapunzel the actual date of her birthday instead of giving her a fake date or, better yet, not telling her that birthdays exist at all? Rapunzel was taken from her real parents at such a young age. She grew up gaining most of her knowledge about the outside world from Mother Gothel. Gothel could have told her any manner of lies in order to keep Rapunzel content, including one about her birthday. Gothel has no one to blame for her demise except for herself. Seriously, sometimes I think I put more thought into the plans of villains than the villains themselves. Sloppy, Gothel. Truly sloppy.
17 Mysterious Hair Growth
Rapunzel does a lot of things with her hair that, quite frankly, she should not be able to do. I get thatTangledis an animated kids movie and should therefore not be taken too seriously, but Rapunzel's hair is treated like a tool for any occasion, the ultimate answer to any problem our heroine comes across. I can somewhat stand Rapunzel using her hair to lift people into her tower, but no way should she be able to use it to lower herself to the ground the way she does in the movie. As we saw several times when she hefted people into the tower, her hair, let loose from the very top, barely touches the grass.
But when she is seen lowering herself down, we see that her hair is looped twice around in her grip in the manner a pulley system works. In order for that to work, her hair would have to be twice as long as we've seen it to be. If it wasn't, there would not be enough hair on one side to bring her safely to the ground. Rapunzel's hair, surprisingly in this instance, would be too short. Of course, there is no regard for reality when this happens. Come on, Disney. If you're going to have me believe that magical hair can heal people and poor Rapunzel's scalp can handle the pressure of having her hair yanked on all the time, at least give me some realistic hair physics. Is that too much to ask?
16 Master Swords-Horse
I find Maximus the horse to be one of the most delightful characters inTangled.His iron determination to locate the thief Flynn Rider is admirable. I can only wish that more people showed as much dedication to their jobs the way Maximus does for his. He goes above and beyond the call of duty. You can tell Maximus means business when he begins sniffing the ground following Rider's trail like a hunting hound. Things take a turn for the even more ridiculous when Maximus confronts Rider with a sword grasped firmly between his teeth.
The two then begin to duel with their respective weapons.
How is Maximus doing this?! Even if we ignore the fact that a horse has learned to bite down on a sword and swing his head around to slash at an opponent, it's still unbelievable that Maximus could have learned to do this to the extent that he could actually best a human being who is using his hands. Admittedly, Rider was using a frying pan instead of a sword against Maximus, but he's still anactual human person with opposable thumbs.Horses can have a mean bite, but even their strong chomp can't beat the firm grasp a human has with their hands. Maximus is truly a wonder horse. If he's not given accolades on a daily basis, he is underappreciated.
15 One Costly Haircut
Disney villains always have to meet their sorry ends. Ursula was stabbed in the belly with the prow of an old ship. Jafar was sucked into a lamp after he foolishly turned himself into a genie. Scar was set upon by his former allies, the hyenas, and presumably torn apart. Mother Gothel, the villain inTangled,crumbles into dust and nothingness after Eugene cuts Rapunzel's hair. Without Rapunzel's magical golden hair, Gothel can't make herself young and beautiful anymore.
Once Rapunzel has turned into a brunette, she can't heal anybody.
Hmm...wait a second. Why did Mother Gothel disintegrate? Is it just because Rapunzel lost her healing hair? Does this mean that everyone who was ever healed by the magical flower's power got un-healed? That would mean that Eugene's hand would have to become scraped again, since Rapunzel healed that with her hair while they were off having their adventure. And what about Rapunzel's real mom? She was healed by the curative powers of the flower as well. Doesn't this mean that when Rapunzel returns home to the castle, only her father, the king, should be there to greet her? It was visually cool to watch Gothel's slow transformation into a crumbling, wasted person, but it does not make a lot of sense upon further reflection.
14 Oodles And Caboodles Of Conditioner
Disney princesses always seem to be better off than the rest of us mere mortals when it comes to their physical appearances. They have attractive figures, pretty faces, and the best hair imaginable. (I get into this about Ariel inThe Little Mermaidas well.) Even with all that hair, Rapunzel is no exception to this unspoken Disney princess rule. However, Rapunzel's hair makes no logical sense for several reasons. Why is it the area of her body that accepted and releases the magic power of the healing flower? Why must it grow every time it heals someone?
But the one attribute of Rapunzel's hair that I believe is the most illogical is how glossy and smooth it looks given that she's running around with it loose all day. She uses her hair to do a bunch of things, from swinging on ceiling rafters to using as a little fort. And when she finally makes it outside, she runs around like a crazy person, her long hair trailing after her. How are her golden locks not covered in leaves, dirt, or any other kind of debris? How is her hair not a tangled mess of knots? (The movie is calledTangled for crying out loud.) At one point, Rapunzel wraps herself up in her hair and rolls around in the grass. Someone better tell me what shiny hair products Rapunzel uses or else I'm going to blow a gasket. The condition of Disney princesses' hair is the real magic of Disney.
13 Lost And Found
When it comes to hiding something important to you, there are many places you can attempt to do so. It's critical that you choose a place where no one frequents very often and that is difficult to access just in case someone does decide to snoop around. My particular favorite place to hide stuff is under the bed. (Dang, I probably shouldn't have said that. Oh well.) Mother Gothel chooses to hide away the princess she stole in a tower that is conveniently hidden in a walled valley whose entrance is hidden by vines. That's a very nifty location to keep someone hidden, but seriously, are you telling me that it actually worked?
The king and queen must have sent a gazillion guards out searching for Rapunzel when she was taken from her cradle. These guards would have scoured the area close to the castle. And believe me, Rapunzel's tower is close to the castle, as evidenced by Flynn Rider's flight there when he stole the princess' crown. It only took a fairly short chase from the castle for Flynn to get to the entrance to the valley. Sure, he stumbled onto the vine-covered entrance, but it didn't take much to find the place. Mother Gothel definitely needs to take some lessons on finding perfect hiding places. Or maybe she doesn't, seeing as how no one managed to suss out her "hidden" tower for that long.
12 Royal Obligations
Joking and nitpicking aside for the moment, it must have been a truly shattering moment for the king and queen to discover that their infant daughter had been stolen from her cradle at night. Understandably so, they created the tradition of sending paper lights into the sky on her birthday, a kind of mourning ritual that they hoped would guide their missing daughter home (which it kind of did). However, the king and queen are rulers of a principality. Not only do they have a responsibility to govern their kingdom fairly and wisely, they also have a duty to provide a steady line of governance for said kingdom.
That means ensuring that there is never any question about who will be next in line for the throne. Their feelings for the missing Rapunzel are valid, but shouldn't they have tried providing themselves and the kingdom with another heir? Did they even try? Granted, having a younger sibling would have opened up a whole new set of problems for them once Rapunzel returned from her life of isolation, but I still think that having another child would have been the more responsible thing to do rather than solemnly sending up lanterns for a child who might never return for years. Yeesh, I sound like a callous and heartless person right now.
11 Rush Job
When Rapunzel was out in the wild, having such long hair proved to be no problem at all. Twigs? Stones? Small critters? None of those proved to be an issue during Rapunzel's journey. You would think somethingwould have gotten tangled in her golden tresses, but that was never the case. It's only when she and Eugene get to the town that her hair becomes something they have to take care of. Towns are usually busy places where a bunch of people are going this way and that, hurrying about their lives. We got a very short glimpse of all the people who began to tread on Rapunzel's hair before Eugene came up with a very good idea.
He saw several little girls braiding each other's hair near the town's square, so he decided to ask them if they would be interested in braiding the lengthy Rapunzel's. Because this is a Disney movie and everyone is always so accommodating, the girls were ecstatic to braid her hair, and they did it in no time flat. Holy moly, that is just not impossible. We've seen Rapunzel's hair extend to almost seventy feet long. I find it unlikely that even though there were four girls doing it, Rapunzel's hair got braided in such a short amount of time. No freaking way. I'm no expert in braiding hair, admittedly, but I'm pretty sure that Rapunzel's hair should have taken them hours.
10 And He Sticks The Landing
Eugene gets himself caught and arrested for stealing the crown right when he was about to confess his love for Rapunzel. (Going to pause here for a moment and snicker with delight that a leading man's name is Eugene. Love it.) It was all part of Mother Gothel's plan to convince Rapunzel that Eugene didn't love her though. After Rapunzel had returned the crown that she had been using as incentive for Eugene to help her get to town, Eugene had been on his way to return it when Gothel and her goons set on him and framed him, making it look like he was abandoning Rapunzel.
All of this comes at a very bad time for Rapunzel. Mother Gothel took her back home, and when Eugene found out about this, he knew that he had to break out of jail. Thankfully for him and Rapunzel, Maximus the horse was on the case. Maximus arranged things so that Eugene would be able to escape his cell and be catapulted beyond the castle walls and plop right onto Maximus' back. I think Maximus' plan went off without a hitch, but no way in heck did Eugene land on Maximus that safely. He was sent high into the air when he was catapulted. The only landing he could have made on Maximus was a hard one. I'm pretty sure something internally must have broken for Eugene. I'm certain his nether regions were a casualty of his escape from prison.
9 She's No Sherlock
Rapunzel had already made the connection between the lights that floated into the sky and the fact that they did so on her birthday before she made it to the town where the little lantern ceremony took place. She knew that it meant something special for her because the lights going up was a regular event that she could witness from her tower's window. This annual occurrence is what calls Rapunzel from her tower in the first place. So you would think with all of this information cemented in her head, Rapunzel would be able to connect the dots regarding the reason behind the light show.
Every year, the king and queen send these lanterns up on the birthday of their missing daughter. Hmm, strange how that's the same day as your birthday, isn't it, Rapunzel? Her skills of observation fail her even when she's staring herself in the face. While the celebration is going on in the town, Rapunzel comes across a wall painting depicting the king, queen, and their missing daughter. The little girl has blonde hair and green eyes. Gasp, that's just likeyou,Rapunzel! The revelation that Rapunzel has when she's already back at her tower should have happened when she was at the town dancing and having fun. She should have guessed right then and there that she was the missing princess.
8 Look At Them Cankles
Since Rapunzel has spent nearly all of her life in her tower under the care of Mother Gothel, she has clearly gotten used to the way things work in an indoor environment. (I really don't think she's ready to rule a kingdom by the end of the movie. I really don't.) Part of spending a lot of time inside is that you get used to walking around without any shoes. Why confine your feet inside a leathery cage when you can just bare it all, am I right? That's all well and good while Rapunzel is actually in her tower, but as soon as she stepped outside, shouldn't she have thought to at least put some slippers on? At the very least, Flynn should have thought to give her a pair of sneakers to run around in.
During their adventures, they aren't just strolling along grassy lanes.
There's a whole sequence where Rapunzel and Flynn are escaping from Maximus and some guards and they're running over rocky terrain. If you're padding along barefoot on that kind of surface, I'm sorry to say, you're going to get some extreme blisters. The only way Rapunzel could have avoided hobbling around in pain for the rest of the day is if her feet earned themselves some callouses. And I'm talking Hobbit-esque kind of callouses. I'd like to see Rapunzel try to fit her dainty feet into some glass slippers after that.
7 Selfish Flower Power
We all have a tendency to sympathize with our main characters, almost to the exclusion of everybody else. Because we've spent so much time learning about and understanding the main characters of our favorite stories, we're more willing to excuse them for their shortcomings and to see things wholly from their perspectives. (This has only ever been a problem for me while watchingGame of Thronesbecause I then have to see all of my favorite characters fighting with each other, and I honestly don't know who to root for.) Surprisingly, this happens at the very beginning ofTangled,before we've had any time to get to know anyone.
We learn that the pregnant queen of a kingdom has become very ill, and the only way to cure her is to give her some medicine from a magical flower, the only magical flower that we know of that exists in this world. It ends up saving the queen's life, for which we're all very thankful. But it's only recently that I stopped to consider the implications of the queen consuming that flower. That was the only flower of its kind, and it clearly had amazing restorative powers. And yet, it was just given to a single person? Was no one upset that the queen took the flower for herself? Mother Gothel and her immortal schtick aside, I'm sure there were some average fellows who would have liked to save that flower for their own family members. The king and queen definitely exercised their royal privileges when they took that flower for themselves.
6 Finger Painting Memories
Rapunzel realizes that Mother Gothel has been lying to her this whole time after she returns to her tower after finally seeing the lights in the sky (lanterns, not stars) that she had wanted to see for so long. Her return to the tower is less jubilant than her intial departure from it. Her illusions about the world have been shattered, and as she mopes in her room about how nothing has turned out the way it should have (her romance with Eugene, the mystery of the lights), she begins to notice that she's drawn the same symbol in all of her paintings around the room, over and over. It's a small sun that has a distinct look to it, and it's also the symbol of the royal family.
It is at that exact moment that Rapunzel realizes she is the princess that has been missing from the kingdom. The sun she has been drawing everywhere was an image she had seen when she was an infant. Oh phooey! I have no memories about when I was an infant. Anyone who says they do is probably lying. I find it difficult to swallow that baby Rapunzel remembered that particular symbol so well she was able to accurately draw it years later. (It also makes you wonder if Rapunzel had not learned how to draw while in the tower, would she have been able to guess that she was the missing princess without those drawn suns.)
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Source: https://www.thegamer.com/tangled-no-sense-disney/
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